The Setbacks
Well isn’t it it another one of those moments, you’re standing in the kitchen after a glass of wine or two, looking ahead to your summer plans, getting compliments at work and you stop and think, “damn, life is pretty freaking great right now.” And then it hits you, or actually it’s some dude on the other soccer team, it’s right below the knee, and you collapse to the ground and scream out in pain.
Fuck.
How can you continue on with your perfectly balanced life when even just walking is a struggle? Is this karma? Did I deserve this because things were just too easy? Is this the universe’s way of telling me “don’t be so damn comfy.” Maybe. Here’s the thing, if it was my arm, which I have gone through before, or a black eye I would prefer that over having knee and leg pain. Your knees are so important, they’re supporting you and they’re also keeping your feet in line, helping you walk, run, dance and so many other things. But here we are, 4 days in now and slowly recovering. Googling things constantly about what foods to eat to help ligament tears, seeing physios and chiros everyday this week, trying everything under the sun just to get back to normal.
But then the one thing I was most nervous about all week, ended up being a huge success.
So when I was on the ground screaming in pain, I couldn’t help but think, “fuck I’m shooting my friends wedding on Saturday.” Shooting weddings isn’t a lot of exercise, however, there is a good deal of bending, squatting etc. all depending on what you’re capturing. I was nervous about it prior to getting injured because it was the first time since 2019 I was shooting a friends wedding. Also these are new friends. And if anyone else is reading this and in their 30s, you know it’s hard to make friends when you become 30. So I didn’t want to fuck this up. Here’s the thing, I’ve said this about many things — emotional and physical: mind over matter. It’s only a big deal if you truly think it will be. So the Saturday went swimmingly, I wore a newly bought knee brace to help but the photos turned out amazing.
But mind over matter doesn’t need to cross over to not knowing your limit. I’m still in physical recovery, so no soccer this week. But I’d rather recover more quickly and get back out there, then push and set myself back even further. So when I think about that mindset while comparing mental capacities, it’s about the same. Pushing yourself through difficult times, no matter what the situation, might only cause a longer, and harder recovery.
O N E W E E K L A T E R
I had the chance to see some old coworkers this past weekend. I was excited but also ridiculously nervous, parts of me didn’t want to go at all, and then other parts were saying, ‘you can’t not go.’ But I’m so glad I did, realizing I’m in a better place now and being reminded of all the shit I went through which caused that longer and harder recovery. The good news is, I think that journey is over and this physical recovery is much, much more present. I've been pretty adamant the whole time about not feeling like I could or should have done anything differently leading up to being let go, but when I compare with the situation I'm currently in, I probably would have just paced myself a bit more. Whether that meant setting boundaries earlier on, or being completely transparent about what I was seeing and didn't agree with and why. But just like in this situation; no one saw it coming, and it wasn't really anyone's fault except for the guy who hit me in the knee.
So maybe that’s what it takes, actual closure and something big enough to stop you in your tracks and be thankful for what you have, in order to see the brighter side. Whether that's a change of pace, change of scene, or battling something you've never experienced before.
💪🏼